I write for me

I've loved to write for as long as I can remember. I have some journals (if you can call them that) from 1988 detailing all of my pre-teen angst. It was mostly anguish over why one boy liked me when the one I really wanted didn't, why my parents let my brother get away with everything and excitement over summer vacations. I read those past entries and smile at my innocence. Back then everything was so serious and urgent and important. I've taken great care to keep track of the majority of my journals, although I'm sure some random notebooks are still hiding in my parent's closets. It's been such an important and cathartic outlet over the years and reading them reminds me of who I used to be and how far I have yet to come.

I ate lunch with some of my co-workers today and one of them asked me what made me happy and I thought I'd take a few minutes to think on that. I can spout off on a moment's notice telling you all the things that piss me off, but it takes a minute for me to come up with the things that make me happy. I don't want to be that person - I want to be known as the calm, peaceful one, the one you automatically relax around.

So, what makes me happy:

Writing - Putting the pen to paper, organizing my thoughts and the release of letting those emotions out has never failed to make me feel better. I love to go back over what I've written and see if I can make it better, if I truly captured the truth. I can totally understand how people see writing as an art form.

So then it follows that I love to read. I learned to read either in kindergarten or before (I can't remember) but I distinctly remember that my teacher would let me bring my books to class and read to them at storytime. My favorite was Danny and the Dinosaur. That was an awesome book! Even now, I can't bear to part with my books, reading them over and over again. I remember my friend Diana and I would trade books back and forth and she told me not to bend the book so there wouldn't be any marks on the spine. I totally understood where she was coming from and always read her books so carefully. I just got a loveseat (Craigslist!) and I'm already thinking about curling up on it in the sitting room with a good book.

Yoga - I fell in love with yoga over nine years ago when the step class at the gym was unexpectedly canceled and the only other class was yoga. I did not do the weights or the machines and I was already there. I was in love from my very first class - yeah yeah my instructor was hot, but that wasn't it! I miss it when I don't go and feel better every time I do. It's kind of like church for me.

Noodles - If my body would let me, I would eat noodles every day of my life. I had Chinese noodles for lunch today and I honestly sat there thinking how awesome noodles are as I was eating. I know I'm weird, it's cool. I remember when I was younger and my mom would make spaghetti and meatballs, I would always ask for more noodles than meat and my brother asked for more meat than noodles. Italian, Mexican (sopa de fideo, mmmm!), Chinese, Vietnamese, any kind of noodle and I'm soo happy.

Dancing - Even though I didn't go to Carol Byrd's like everyone did when I was younger, I have always loved to dance. I danced in the fiestas in Argentine and my favorite thing was swirling around those huge skirts with the ribbons along the edges and stomping my feet to the mariachi music. When I lived alone, some of my favorite memories are the days I would put the music on full blast and clean my apartment from top to bottom and then dance till I was out of breath and sweaty. Later, the joy I felt salsa dancing had no equal. As I got better at it, I was able to enjoy it more and it will always remain my passion.

Just typing this post and thinking about the things that make me smile has put me in a calmer state of mind. My breathing is more even and lower in my body (chest-heaving breaths mean mucho stress) and it's made me think of even more things that make me happy. Sometimes, I start thinking about things that make me happy and then I get pissed all over again because I'm not doing any of them. But sometimes it's enough to just think about them and let a smile come to your face.

I've been so stressed and in such a foul mood recently and I hate being that way. I'm a generally happy, easy-going, well-adjusted person and like anyone else, I lose my center from time to time.

But it's all good, I usually always find my way back.