My Dad, Part 2

I have talked to a good handful of people about this situation and a lot of people have told me that my dad is just having a harder time than most letting me go. While I'm an empathetic person, even I have to say enough is enough! At what point are you going to quit shaking your fist at the sky and get on with your life?

I'm my daddy's girl - always have been and up to this point it was a good place to be. The downside of it is that any man who doesn't follow the 'rules' isn't good enough for me. All of the guys I dated, casual and serious, have fallen short in some way or another. Whether it was that they didn't address him properly (Mr. Wynn, always) or they didn't talk marriage straight away (to let him know that they were serious, no casual dating with my daughter), there was always something that caused him to dismiss them.

I've tried to see my dad's side, which he claims that no one but the father of a daughter can, and understand how it must have hurt him every time I would come running back to him after yet another boy broke my heart. But damn, it was my heart and even I understand heartbreak is a part of life! I get that you don't ever want to see your children hurt or cry no matter how old they get but this is excessive.

Furthermore, as I've tried to explain to him, marriage doesn't solve anything. But I'm his little girl, so I couldn't possibly know what I'm talking about much less know what's best for me. But I'm done screaming that one at the top of my lungs. I get it though - he wants a man to take care of me, he doesn't want me alone - hell, I don't want to be alone. And even though I've made some nasty missteps in the past, it's still my life and I take responsibility for it all - the good and the bad. The irony is, this time I've done it right - I found a good man who will take care of me. But because he 'disrespected' me by not marrying me before we lived together he has been written off and I have too for sticking by him. It couldn't occur to him that we've chosen to go ahead with our relationship according to what worked for us, period. He felt and I'm sure still feels that I'm not capable of making those decisions, that my daddy still needs to protect me from these big bad men. I'm sure Drew would argue that on certain days of the month, he's the one that needs protection!

In the beginning, I was so very angry with my dad. I felt betrayed, that people who love you aren't supposed to treat you that way. I wanted us to agree to disagree - I would never expect him to full-out support me living with my boyfriend before marriage but I certainly wouldn't want him to turn his back on me. My anger served to protect me. Forget him if he wants to act foolish - write him off like he wrote you off - who needs him. But the pain and hurt never completely go away.

I held out. For almost a year, I have gone on with my life and sought to push these thoughts and feeling to the back. I wanted him to come to me, I didn't do anything wrong. He needed to apologize to me for hurting my feelings. Honestly, it was only through talking it out with the therapist that I could let it go. For me, letting it go meant that I had lost, that I was giving in, that what he did and how he made me feel was okay by me. And interestingly, I carried those feelings into my relationship with Drew. I had never had to concede or compromise in any of my previous relationships so that concept was all new to me. I'm not a good loser and I don't like to give up what's important to me, be it my things or my thoughts on things.

However, I have learned that in order to foster anything more than a superficial relationship with anyone (friend or otherwise) learning to compromise is vital. And compromise or letting go is not about losing or someone getting one over on you. It's about prioritizing the greater good above yourself, which is something I'm still learning and nowhere near good at yet. My dad? What is 'right' is most important above all else. His moral conviction is more important than our relationship and he hasn't budged not one millimeter in a year. And the most ironic thing is that he preached to us ever since we were kids that the difference between a person and a rock is that a person can change. So is he a person or a rock? Who knows.

I want to have a mature adult relationship with my dad. It takes two and if he is stuck with the image of me as his little girl in his head, I don't know how far we'll get. He's missing so much - we used to talk every day. I'm missing so much - my time with my parents is so fleeting and we only get one go at this. When I pray, I mostly pray for patience with Drew and the dog, but I always remember to add 'peace with dad'.

My anger is fading - I choose not to be bitter and ugly, but I'm still stubborn. I'm not okay with giving up on my dad just yet.